The Kettleman Rants

October 27, 2010

Mikhail Shklyarevsky                                                                                                                                                                              1

English 379

Professor Lee

Patricia Grace-Like Satire Blog

October 28, 2010

            On a June evening, thousands of faces were watching across the Land of Opportunity as the online show of talk, Pub Politics, aired. The show’s host started by thanking State Senator J.T. Kettleman for coming, despite his busy schedule. (His busy schedule involved giving speeches about how he would become governors through ranting). After chit-chatting about his personal life, Sen. Kettleman, a beefy-faced, young-looking man with gray hair, turned to the host and said “you know, Mr. Sheehan, speaking of ma personal life, I’m particularly concerned ‘bout the effect our president’s agenda will have on it.” At this moment, the senator’s face was turning into a Big Apple. “I mean, his ideas are leading our great people to socialism. And speaking of all this makes me mad. But what infuriates me is that he isn’t a good ol’ American like me. But this action wouldn’t be so bad, if my opponent for the leadership of our state was also a real American and not a visitor to our nation.” At this, Sheehan looked at Kettleman shocked and said, “Sir, perhaps researching with more care and ranting your ideas less would be helpful in the future.” A previously apple-faced J.T. now seemed shock-faced, although, given the annoyance visible in his facial expression, one could have imagined steam flowing from his nostril. At this point, the show end; behind the scenes, T. Kettleman muttered to himself, “How can a Kettleman speak softly and carry a big stick like Teddy Roosevelt said?”

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